Projectile Vomiting Is Having A TV Moment

The minute you witness an adult projectile vomit in public, their vulnerabilities splattered with Pollock-esque enthusiasm all over themselves (or someone else), is the moment that you lose your innocence forever. Or—in the case of my friend who recently loaded up on a few glasses of Jura Brooklyn before diving into what can only be described as a sinful amount of meat at a Manhattan steakhouse, only to choke on dessert and accidentally vomit all over the table with the grace of a groggy baby as he tried to clear his throat—it could just be the funniest shit you've ever seen. I will never forget that unexpected spittle-flecked image for the rest of my days, all due to what he described as "an unfortunately timed guffaw."

(Of course, it's not "funny" when someone's dealing with a serious illness and vomiting as a result—this is more about mild food poisoning, strange body reactions, and of course, very tasteful jokes.)

Vampires, BDSM and zombies have all had moments. The secret room at Mt. Rushmore had a moment. Rachel Weisz has had an extended moment. Jake Tapper, Isaiah Thomas, Oregon wine and neon home fixtures are all having or about to have moments. Cannibals are having a moment. Having a moment has had its moment. Elijah from GIRLS is having a moment this very second according to my moments horoscope.

As I sit back on gloomy days like this and reflect upon the steakhouse moment, or the many times my puppy has vomited on me over the last couple of months (truly, his is the cutest hurl), I wonder: when is projectile vomiting going to get its turn in the barf-covered sun? When will it get its moment beyond the realm of ridiculously detailed subreddits, YouTube k-holes, and cult movie classics?

(SPOILERS AHEAD for recently aired episodes of Santa Clarita Diet, GIRLS and Big Little Lies; also, and this should be self-evident from the title of the post, much VOMITING AHEAD)

The rule of three dictates that things that come in batches of three are inherently more funny, satisfying and effective than any other number of things. Think crayon packs, backup singers, new Fast & Furious movies, Hanson brothers, and of course, the number of trials Indiana Jones had to pass to reach the Holy Grail. Vomiting's moment started in February with the premiere of Santa Clarita Diet, which follows Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant as real estate agents whose lives take a dark turn after Barrymore's character Sheila turns into a flesh-craving zombie.

Her transformation occurs in the premiere as they are showing a yuppie couple around a house and she spontaneously projectile spews an ungodly quantity of green bilious vomit across a white carpet (200 pounds of vomit tends to be outlandish). She runs to the bathroom, vomits some more, and passes out. When Olyphant goes to check on her, the entire bathroom, from floor to ceiling, and Barrymore are covered in nasty, chunky, frighteningly lifelike vomit. (Turns out, this is the process to becoming a zombie—she essentially died while she was vomiting.)

It's the first gross-out moment in the show and it's very purposefully over the top, walking the line between shocking and funny, and setting expectations for what will come throughout the show as it revisits the punchline about "a crazy amount of vomit." One of the best examples of that comes halfway through the season, when Barrymore bites a drug dealer and accidentally transforms him into a zombie as well; during his transformation, he paints a motel room with vomit as well, which culminates in a housekeeper walking in to witness the carnage of bile, and dryly note, "I'll come back."

The vomiting definitely works as a shock; it continues onwards in the series as a frequent punchline; but it's also a surprisingly decent metaphor for the core of the series, which touches on the idea of awakening from depression—or as Drew Barrymore told us, "a monotonous slump."

"I don't think anyone changes physically, or metaphorically, or spiritually, or emotionally over night. It's sort of a process," she said of the show's use of zombies (and vomiting) as metaphor for growth. "And maybe if you looked at episodes one and ten you could see a difference but really there were no gimmicks along the way. It was really just an attitudinal physical shift that was gradual and subtle." Series creator Victor Fresco agreed, saying he and Barrymore talked about how "she'd inhabit this whole change both physically and emotionally and become more confident."

Emotional change gives way to something more straight-forwardly comical in episode five of the current season of GIRLS. In "Gummies," Hannah's mom Loreen scarfs down a few too many pot gummies, leading to a frantic search for her by Hannah and Elijah (who is coming down off an Adderall binge) when she goes missing. Between dealing with the loneliness of being a divorcee over 60 and the news that her daughter is pregnant with a "waterski instructor's" baby, Loreen needs some sort of release...which culminates in the funniest part of the episode at a dim sum place in Brooklyn: "I just want you to know every time I look at your baby, I'm gonna see my own death," she says woozily. And then she vomits, just like a baby! Just thinking about it now makes me crack up.

The art of projectile vomiting may have reached its television apotheosis during Sunday night's Big Little Lies. After yet another emotionally-draining episode about infidelity, spousal abuse, and the unidentified creature which latched itself onto Adam Scott's face, the episode climaxes with the long-awaited, ill-fated dinner scene with Reese Witherspoon's Madeline, her current husband Ed (played by Scott), her ex-husband (James Tupper) and his new wife (Zoe Kravitz). Madeline experiences a "human reaction" to the news that her daughter's heretofore secret project is auctioning off her virginity on the Internet to protest sex slavery.

It comes in three beats: first, a wave of sickness toxically mixing with the news about her daughter...

Then the first puke of green slime to the side, immediately followed by a second time on the table...

And lastly, right after Kravitz has asked everyone to settle for a minute and to "remember we are living in the time of Facebook and reality TV," the shrimp hits her face.

Scott talked to Vulture a bit about what went into the scene (and I do mean literally): "It’s funny how even fake barf is disgusting. It doesn’t matter that it’s real or fake. It’s just a total bummer when barf is involved. I think it was Campbell’s soup or something? I actually don’t know. I don’t know about Campbell’s. But some sort of canned soup. I’ve barfed in movies before. It seems like it always ends up being Campbell’s soup mixed with something else."

While both the Santa Clarita and Big Little Lies scenes are undoubtedly examples of projectile vomiting, it wouldn't be surprising if you questioned whether Loreen's upchuck truly fell under that umbrella. But after consulting with the finest living minds available on the finer points of vomiting vs. projectile vomiting (I am of course talking about the Straight Dope message board from 2002), it seems that anything that is forcefully expunged from the body can count as being "projectile." This lines up with with user SpaceDog's take: he or she defines projectile vomiting as "perhaps just normal vomiting that happens unexpectedly." And really, what are all these moments if not beautifully, memorably, and emotionally unexpected?