MTA Bans Booze On LIRR & Metro-North For St. Patrick's Day

Knowing what it is that can happen on a commuter train full of soused up party boys, the MTA announced today that alcohol is banned from Long Island Railroad and Metro-North trains from Friday to Saturday morning, in accordance with St. Patrick's Day.

The booze ban will be in effect for all of Friday, March 17th and last until 5 a.m. on Saturday, March 18th, though the MTA pointed out that alcohol is always barred on the train from Friday on midnight to 5 a.m. Saturday. If the police find you have booze, they'll take it from you.

Beyond the booze ban, the transit agency also announced that the LIRR will run six more westbound trains into Penn Station on Friday that will arrive between 9:27 a.m. and 11:19 a.m. on the Babylon, Port Jefferson and Ronkonkoma branches, and on Metro-North "an extra train will depart from Poughkeepsie at 7:52 a.m. and stop at New Hamburg at 8:02 a.m. and Beacon at 8:10 a.m. before running express to Harlem-125th Street and arriving at Grand Central Terminal at 9:32 a.m."

So keep that in mind all you Irish party kings, the MTA doesn't want trouble on their trains. There will be no roughhousing, no carousing, no vaping and no fisticuffs. There will be no using the luggage racks as improvised army crawl racetracks.

There will be no playing of the bagpipes in such a way that the windows are blown out of the train due to their tremendous volume, and no attempts to see what you can flush down the very small hole of a train toilet.

And DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT cooking a delicious corned beef on the train, causing the conductor to float toward it on the power of the heavenly scent, and then bonking him on his head allowing more hijinks to occur.