John Oliver Offers Perfect Analogy For GOP's Obamacare 'Replacement' Plans

Republicans have been eager to repeal-and-replace Obamacare since "the worst piece of legislation ever" was first passed (and the metaphorical goat got loose in the house—just skip to :53 mark in the video below, you'll see), but they've been hampered by a few small details—like, say, any idea of what to replace the Affordable Care Act with. There's also the problem that millions of Americans have been been helped by the ACA, and have been showing up to town halls to yell at Republicans hell-bent on taking away their insurance.

As John Oliver explained on Last Week Tonight, that's because people remember what it was like before Obamacare, when "nearly 49 million Americans had no coverage, and if you were buying for yourself, insurers could deny anyone they considered too risky. Some denied entire professions like air-traffic controllers, taxi cab drivers and scuba divers." Even four-month-old babies were denied for being "too fat."

While acknowledging its problems (unreliable website, massive deductibles), Oliver went through all the positives: "It made it illegal to deny people coverage because of pre-existing conditions," he said. "It let people stay on their parents' plans until age 26. It made preventive screenings free for everyone and created marketplaces where people could shop for insurance with potential subsidies. And between all that and Medicaid expansion, more than 20 million people gained coverage, putting our uninsured rate at a historic low."

Watch below as Oliver rips apart the "death panel" lie ("The notion of death panels isn’t just a lie, it’s Politifact’s 2009 lie of the year. Which is impressive, considering in 2009 Americans were also repeatedly told Jason Mraz was the next big thing. We were lied to in a big way there."), and then looks at how Republicans are at a loss what to do next: "Every time you get near something resembling a Republican plan, it seems to recede into the distance."

As proof for how unprepared they are, Oliver looked at high-risk pools, block grants, and one replacement bill which has the word "placeholder" instead of any actual solution: "Oh please. If your spouse gave you a birthday card that said 'placeholder,' that would not be a signal they're working on the best language to express their feelings for you. It would signal they forgot your birthday because they're fucking Sharon from the office, and deep down I think you actually know that."

Another idea, which includes refundable tax credits, also didn't pass Oliver's smell test: "A tax credit that small helps cover your health insurance the way a thong covers your dad’s ass. It doesn't, and there's something that is fundamentally wrong about that."

And after one last clip of Trump promising that patients will be able to "have everything" under his insurance plan, Oliver concluded, "So anything short of that is a disaster, and insurers are going to need an answer soon, Republicans. So tick, tock, motherfuckers. Because you don't get to 'placeholder' your way out of this one again."