Finally 'Meeting' Michelle Obama At Barclays Center

Michelle Obama and Sarah Jessica Parker at Barclays Center.

A few years ago, after my son Karl died on his first day in childcare, I received a letter from Barack and Michelle Obama. It wasn’t the usual kind of White House form letter—this one was hand-signed by the President, and talked about my son.

Listening to Michelle Obama speak yesterday at Barclays Center, I thought about how leadership from the top brings out different qualities in the people they lead. The fact that the President and the First Lady at the time took a moment to think about me and my family, given everything else they must have had to do in a day, was one thing. But also, the letter dispatched simple compassion. It didn’t shy away from what was difficult to say.

Somehow the Obamas had said the right thing, when no one knew the right thing to say. It didn’t feel like a form letter, and I knew that behind it were some great human beings.

The letter, which a friend asked President Obama to write after showing him a photo of Karl and telling him Scorah's story.

Someone once told me that in any start up, the traits of the leaders inevitably get replicated in the culture of the company—even when the founders move on. Last night, listening to Mrs. Obama acknowledge America’s problems, but also its potential, and feeling the joy and love in that large space, I couldn’t help but remember the way America felt when I moved here ten years ago (I landed here the day of the election in 2008), and how the America that my son was born into in 2015 felt.

In the moments of darkness, the Obamas set a tone of humility and compassion, much like the letter they sent had done. Sure, the Mrs. Obama who now sat in lights in front of me was paid a $65 million dollar advance, was wearing shimmery clear vinyl boots that sparkled like wealth, but her success is also part of America's beauty. Her journey exemplifies what's possible.

It was evident that Mrs. Obama was enjoying herself on this book tour (which she's on through May), and she mentioned a couple of times how it was only now that she could truly speak openly and freely, something you get the feeling is central to her very being. But as she noted, the bar for anyone who is the “first” and “only” at something, is set much higher, and this had constricted her for the time of their tenure.

She related a story of the day she and Barack left the White House for good, and how she broke down in Air Force One, and cried for half an hour straight. Eight years worth of pressure was finally off of them. And it had been hard. They had watched every move they made, they were so careful because of that “bar.” She knew the responsibility they carried; if they messed up, she said, no one that looked like them would ever get the chance they had. Of course when talking about bars, there was no way for a few thousand people in that room to not start thinking about the bar that was set for the rich white man who took over. As her moderator, Sarah Jessica Parker, put it, “the bar now is, well…” Mrs. Obama finished: “basically to not get indicted.”

She was at turns both funny and inspirational—“all of you in this room, this spirit and unity you feel, THIS is the America Barack and I saw during those eight years.” At one point in the night, Mrs. Obama talked about the audience, about how diverse it was, how there were people from so many backgrounds, and how she imagined or hoped it was also politically diverse, as well (the people sitting around me laughed about that last part—it's doubtful there were many Trump supporters in the audience).

She recounted everyday details of what it was like to move into the White House, what it was like to be a soccer mom in D.C. while also the First Lady (you want to have a playdate with my kids? We’re going to need some information from you… five guys with guns will be coming along, etc.). She also talked about some things that I hadn’t known she and the President had done: visiting children on reservations, inviting those same kids to the White House another time, so that they didn’t feel they had only been a token photo op.

She said that she knew now why she had, against all odds, become First Lady. It was so that she could shine this light on those who did not have that light. To show them what was possible. And she admonished us: you can’t have success unless you are willing to bring others along with you. Be that light for someone else. You don’t have to be First Lady to do that.

With a different leader, a different side of the culture emerges.

My daughter, born in 2016, came into a country that felt different than the one my son was born into, just 15 months before. But the first trip we took together was to the Women’s March in D.C. I carried her along with me for what turned out to be one of the best days of my life. And that day was lived with Trump as President. There is hope. The culture under the old leadership hasn’t gone away, it’s here, in this arena, and outside, too.

As Mrs. Obama visits more cities on her tour, her audiences may not be as politically diverse as she might hope, but she will see the “America” that she and Barack knew, because it’s still out here.

As Sarah Jessica Parker said without saying it, a number of times last night: we miss you.

Amber Scorah is a writer from Canada who came to New York City via Shanghai. Her book Leaving the Witness is due out in June with Viking Books. Follow her on Twitter here.